I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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