Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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