You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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