What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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