There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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