mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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