we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize