TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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