I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize