wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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