Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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