Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize