i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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