I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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