I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize