Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize