I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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