Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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