every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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