I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
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new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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