The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
love makes seman taste better
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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