I am spending my child support on dildos
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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