so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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