Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
