My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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