Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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