dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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