my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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