Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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