The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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