can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
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One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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