He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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