shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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