Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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