do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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