What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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