Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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