What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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