i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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