Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize