I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize