I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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