Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My life is pants optional.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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