Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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