Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize