I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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