life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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