I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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