Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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