The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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