I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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